How to be a Less Shitty Friend

First of all, let me say it loud and clear that I am a shitty friend myself. Now that it’s out of the way, l can share my process of how I am trying to be less shitty friend. If you are reading this and wondering which one of your friends can be less shitty, it’s most likely you. Here are a few ( 3 to be specific) ideas you could use:

Stop judging all the time! It’s already hard to navigate through this highly judgmental society; our friends don’t need that from us. When asked, constructive criticism can be an excellent tool for growth. But judgmental comments never helped anyone. I, personally, am guilty of this one. I have constantly commented on one of my friend’s unhealthy eating habits and how she was ruining her health. If I were a little less judgmental a tiny bit more observant; I would have noticed her declining mental health that was causing her unhealthy relationship with food.  I could have been more supportive and maybe helped her with her struggles.  It’s unfortunate that we often receive the harshest and meanest comments from our closest friends and family. And believe me, only a very few of them are actually horrible people. Half the time they don’t even know how cruel their words are. If someone tells you you’re being hurtful, instead of calling him/her a “snowflake”, accept that you can be insensitive at times.

“My pain is worse than your pain” mentality. It’s really not a race! We all have that one friend who always, always complains about absolutely everything. Workload, partner, lack of partner, children, the weather, you name it. It’s always just the hardest for her! If you can detect this pattern, stop right away. If a friend shares her struggles, try to be supportive by telling you are struggling too. Telling people whatever they are struggling with is nothing compared to your personal struggle doesn’t make them feel better.

Respect boundaries. The South Asian part of my brain is laughing hysterically now. Boundaries? What boundaries?! As adults we make fewer close friends and more acquaintances. And that’s perfectly alright. But even with close friends we need to be careful of boundaries. Boundaries and South Asians is a lengthy topic to discuss. But for starters, stop commenting on your friend’s food/ clothing preferences. Hard, isn’t it? With practice, we will get there.

Do you have something to add? Let me know in the comments section instead of facebook messenger. I am talking to you, Moureen.

Day 4: March 10, 2019

#BirthdayWritingChallenge

9 comments

  1. First of all, you are not a shitty friend. You could be insensitive sometimes, which we all are from time to time, but you are not a shitty friend. You are that anchor who pulls everyone to reality. And everyone knows that reality hurts.

  2. I am happy to have a shitty cousin friend like you( though you are not🙄🙄)!! According to me “Respect boundaries” is the best of the three ideas❤️❤️.

  3. Hahahahah…I actually felt you are saying that to me while reading the last two lines!So yeah thats my equation with you which is quite strong I believe.If you are shitty..I am glad you are…because you being shitty with me actually keeps me grounded.You have never encouraged my ‘mean me’ version…and I have felt extremely ashamed each time when you haven’t!So I am glad that I have this shitty friend…

  4. Actually I am the one who has always been mean to you but still have no regrets lol…. I always tell everyone that the reason you and I are such close friends is because of you…. you have always made the effort to make the bond stronger and I have just followed…

  5. Judging by all the comments ( some were DMs), I am an amazing friend. I can’t argue with that. I mean, seriously, I am just the best 😛 But this post is not about me. It’s about people who are unintentionally hurtful. Toxic friends are a whole different category and we should cut them off at all cost. That’s a topic of another post. I love you all ( imagine Salman Khan GIF here).

  6. You are the best friend! Seriously. Having empathy and respecting boundaries makes a good person, not just a good friend. Being non judgmental is pretty hard though. As humans we do it unconsciously for survival. We gage the outside world and judge it based on our experiences to protect ourselves and keeping that in check and not letting it translate into our interactions with others is the hardest thing. Remembering that our judgment is based on our experiences and value systems and not always right or appropriate is difficult.

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